The Random Story
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: Random things are happening with random characters. Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is!
1. Oh baby, baby, randomnise me!

'That's what you think, sir!' Snape said, pointing with his pinky at Harry.  
  
'Your cheese is so horrible, it's worse than your mothers... NOSE!!' Hermoine replied, eating a whole bag of M&M's in 2 seconds.  
  
'That's an awfully lot of crisps.' Ron said, looking thoughtful.  
  
All of the sudden, Harry bursts into a crab. 'Show-off!' They all yelled at them. 'Always trying to steal my thunder, eh!' Draco appeared out of nowhere.  
  
'Thunderbolts and lighting, very very frighting!' Snape sang. 'Queen rocks!'  
  
'Hey I got a lightning like scar!' Crab Harry said.  
  
'That's so you won't forget the way to Muffinland.' Hermoine said wisely.  
  
'I'm not a fish!' Snape said, looking ticked off.  
  
'Hmm... Fish is yummy, you are not. No, you're right. You're not a fish.' Ron said, waving an American flag.  
  
'I take that as an insult, ma'am!' Snape replied, running around with a shopping cart.  
  
'Oh man, I am so UGLY I cannot look in the mirror anymore. It's just grossing me out!' Lockhart fell out of the sky in Snape's shopping cart.  
  
'Ewwww!' Snape yelled, and drove his shopping cart over Crab Harry.  
  
'HEY! WATCH IT!' Crab Harry shouted, and transformed into a... lobster...  
  
'I'm going to dye my hair!' Draco screamed, trying to get a bit of attention.  
  
'No you won't!' Ron said, trying to eat the American flag.  
  
'No... I won't...' Draco said, walking away, upset.  
  
'Some cheese sure would be nice.' Lobster Harry said.  
  
'Meow mix meow mix!' Hermoine said, running around with her bra on her head, because she has no breasts, she has to wear it SOMEWHERE, so why not on her head, hmmm?  
  
'So... what are we gonna do tonight, Snape?' Ron asked.  
  
'The same thing we do every night Weasley... Try to take over THE WORRRRLDD!' Snape replied, throwing his hands in the air and laughing like a maniac.  
  
'They're Weasley and Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape...' Everyone sung.  
  
'I tried to seduce a pie once!' Lobster Harry said, before transforming into his own... Harry again.  
  
'You know what they say about guys with big noses.' Hermoine said, winking at Snape.  
  
'Er... no?' Snape said, puzzled.  
  
Draco came running back. 'SHE MEANS YOU GOT A BIG-'  
  
!!!!!!!WE INTURRUPT THIS INSANE STORY FOR SOME COMMERCIALS!!!!!!!!  
  
'You're not cool anymore!' Ron and Hermoine shouted at Harry. 'I am!' Harry replied, trying to fight his tears. Hemroine and Ron ran off, leaving Harry alone.  
  
Dumbledore's voice came out of nowhere. 'Feeling lonely?' Harry nodded. 'Need someone to talk to?' Harry nodded. 'Want an intelligent conversation?' Harry thought about these two difficult words for a few moments, then nodded again.  
  
'Then I got the perfect solution for you! Purchase a Longbottom Action Figure today! He's also very very VERY lonely, and he needs a friend, just like you!' Harry suddenly is holding a Longbottom Action Figure. 'Wow this is soooo cool!'  
  
Dumbledore continued. 'He can say 3 different things! 'Damn, I suck!', 'TREVOR!' and the all known 'Why is it always me?'! Buy your Longbottom Action Figure NOW!'  
  
  
  
!!!!!!!!!!AND WE CONTINUE THIS INSANE STORY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!  
  
'-TOE!' Draco finished.  
  
'Oh OK!' Snape said, and went off to play with his new Longbottom Action Figure.  
  
'Hey look at me!' Harry said, transforming into a blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy.  
  
'Yes, we see. You look like a blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy!' Ron and Draco said, rolling their eyes.  
  
'All Dutch people are weed selling farmers!' Hermoine commented, reading a Dutch book upside down.  
  
'Wait till my Father hears about that!' Draco said, with his nose in the air.  
  
'Yes, but you are blonde!' Harry the blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy said.  
  
'So are you!' Draco said, sticking out his tongue.  
  
'I DYED MY HAIR BLONDE SO I WON'T LOOK SO UGLY LIKE I DO!' Lockhart said, bursting into tears.  
  
'It's OK.' Hermoine said, stroking Lockhart's shoulder.  
  
'No it isn't!' Ron yelled.  
  
'No, it isn't...' Hermoine said, letting go of Lockhart's shoulder.  
  
'Move along, nothing to see here!' McGonagal said, only dressed in Dobby's pillowcase.  
  
'Professor!' Harry the blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy yelled.  
  
'Mister Potter! Why are you dressed as a blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy??' McGonagal asked, confused.  
  
'Tea plants!' Harry the blonde 7 year old girl with pigtails and a pink dress, holding a red lollipop named Suzy said.  
  
McGonagal ran off crying.  
  
Everyone was standing in a circle, waving.  
  
'THE END!' They all yelled.  
  
  
  
THE END!  
  
  
  
~~~ o_O" Errr... Riiiight... Just... review... Please...?~~~ 


	2. Let's randomnise me agaaaaain!

Disclaimer: Since I forgot it in the other chapter, but it's still very obvious, I do not own any of these characters. Hell, I don't even own the Hokey Pokey!  
'Hmmm... you smell sooo pretty!' Harry commented, sniffing on Draco's hair.  
  
Draco blushed. 'Really? What does it smell like?'  
  
'Kind of like a mixture between dog shit and lawngnome piss...' Harry replied.  
  
'BLUSHY BLUSHY!!' Ron suddenly yelled.  
  
'Who's the red haired kid?' Lockhart asked himself.  
  
'Ewwwwwwww!! You've got a huge friggin' zit on your nose!!' Hermoine said, pointing at Lockhart, who started sobbing and ran away.  
  
'Awww that isn't very nice of you!' A voice said behind them.  
  
They all turned around and faced... Oliver Wood!! Wearing a skirt!  
  
'What the Hell are you doing in a skirt, you pansy?!' Draco said, being all badass.  
  
'KILT! KILT! KILT!' Oliver said, dancing the Hokey pokey around in his ski- ... KILT!  
  
Suddenly, a loud crash is heard!!!  
  
'Oh my, I hear a loud crash!' Hermoine commented, being the know-it-all Gryffindor bitch she is.  
  
'Stating the obvious...' Harry said, rolling his eyes.  
  
'Whoa whoa... Didn't you miss me!!?' Snape asked, a bit pissed off and wiping the glass off his robes.  
  
'I DID!! I DID!!' Draco yelled, waving his hands trough the air, to get some attention.  
  
'Hey... why didn't you get cut by the glass when you wiped it off?' Lucius suddenly commented.  
  
'Daddy!' Draco jumped back in surprise, falling right on top of Harry!!! Such coincidence!  
  
'Why hello there, sir!' Harry said to the blonde Slytherin boy.  
  
'Potter?'  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'Is that a wand in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?'  
  
Harry putted his hand in his trousers and whipped out his wand. 'It's just my wand. Sorry, mate...'  
  
Draco looked disappointed. 'Damn... Looks like this ain't gonna be a slash story, then...'  
  
'You're MY bitch!' Snape yelled, putting a spiky dog-collar around Lucius' neck. 'Now say "woof"!!'  
  
'WAIT WAIT!! WE'RE HERE TO YOU KNOW!!' Ron and Hermoine yelled.  
  
'How 'bout HIM!?!' Draco said, pointing at Oliver, who was still doing the Hokey Pokey.  
  
'Who?' Everyone asked, looking right past him.  
  
'... What?' Draco looked puzzled. 'There!' he pointed at Oliver.  
  
'I do not know what you're talking about, mister Malfoy.' Snape said, shrugging.  
  
'But... that Wood guy... he... right there!!! He's wearing a skirt!!' Draco yelled, starting to freak out.  
  
'IT'S A KILT, YOU FAT KID!!!' Oliver screamed.  
  
'Where's that voice coming from?!!!' Hermoine said, looking around, paranoid.  
  
'He's from Amsterdam...' Harry said, knowing it even better than the Gryffindor Know It All bitch.  
  
'Amsterdamn?' Lucius sat on the ground, reading a gardening magazine upside down.  
  
'Okay I'm back!' Lockhart suddenly crashed trough the ceiling, looking very proud.  
  
'Why is the big lump on your nose green?' Ron asked, trying to sound intelligent.  
  
'Why is the pope catholic?' Snape asked, trying to sound witty.  
  
'Because he isn't Jewish?' Sirius Black walked out the dark corner of the fully lighted room.  
  
'Good point there...' Snape admitted, licking Lucius'-  
  
!!!!!!!WE INTERRUPT THIS INSANE STORY AGAIN FOR COMMERCIALS!!!!!!!  
  
'Winky phone home...' The female house-elf raised a finger in the air.  
  
Suddenly, Winky got smashed by a huge flying angry potato.  
  
'TAKE THAT, YOU LITTLE... SMASHED, CROSSDRESSING, E.T. WANNABE!!' Some angry E.T. fans yelled.  
  
Voldemort's voice came out of nowhere. 'You've had enough of those annoying little brats who like to dress up as their favourite movie-characters? Well, we can show you how much fun it is to kill those little bastards! Buy the "Star bitches and many more" movie NOW!'  
  
!!!!!!!!!!AND WE CONTINUE THIS INSANE STORY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!  
  
-sugarquill. What did you think?!!!  
  
'I AM THE LORD OF THE RIVERDANCE!!' Oliver yelled, starting to do the Macarena now.  
  
'Shut up, you twit!!! Or I'm gonna cut your heart out with a SPOON!!' Snape screamed back.  
  
'Why a spoon, Severus? Why not an axe or...' Lucius started suggesting.  
  
'BECAUSE IT'S DULL YOU TW-... oh wait, wrong movie...' Snape shook his head, and read Lucius' gardening magazine.  
  
'Are you just as anatomically impaired as a Ken Doll, too?' Harry whispered in his ear.  
  
'Are you hitting on me, sir?' Snape asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
'Cut that out, Sevvie, it's making me all warm and fluffy on the inside.' Lucius shuddered.  
  
'Moose, moose, buy your moose right here!!' Ron walked around, like a hotdog seller.  
  
'I'd like two please!' Draco said.  
  
'Two what?' Ron asked.  
  
'Two moose's!' Draco replied.  
  
'Moose?' Ron asked, grinning.  
  
'Well... yeah, you're selling moose's, right??' Draco replied, frowning.  
  
'No, you silly boy... I'm selling I'll-Slap-Your-Ass-For-A-Dollar!' Ron said, with an evil look on his face.  
  
Draco scratched his head. 'That's not what I heard... What about you, guys?'  
  
Everyone was busy with other stuff, so they didn't notice Draco's question.  
  
'Well...? Wanna buy one?' Ron asked.  
  
'Yea-... wait... is that a wand in your trousers or are you just happy to see me, too?' Draco said, pointing at Ron's crotch.  
  
Ron looked down, unzipped his trousers and whipped out his wand. 'I already wondered where I let this thing...'  
  
'Okaaaaay... I'm going now, bye!!!' Draco ran away, hiding behind Hermoine.  
  
Harry suddenly gasped. 'YOU STOLE MY FAVOURITE BLUE CRAYON!!' He yelled at Snape, who also gasped.  
  
'DID NOT!!'  
  
'DID TOO!'  
  
'DID NOT!!'  
  
'DID TOO!!'  
  
'DID TOO!!' Snape said, grinning.  
  
'DID NOT!!!' Harry replied.  
  
'HAHAHA! I DID NOT!! YOU JUST SAID I DID NOT!!!' Snape laughed.  
  
'Damn...' Harry got sad.  
  
'I'm still wondering...' Lucius started to speak, slowly and thought-full.  
  
'What?' Everyone asked.  
  
'I'm *wondering*... I'm... *wondering* ... DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, MUFFIN MAN?!! WELL, DO YA?!!! DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?!!! TELL ME!! DO YOU?!!! DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, MUFFIN MAN!?!!! WELL!!!! TELL ME YOU LITTLE STINKY COW-SHOE, DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?!!!!!!' He screamed, eyes bulging.  
  
Everyone ran to the other side of the room.  
  
'Er... no...?' Ron said, carefully.  
  
'Oh... OK.' Lucius continued reading a por-... GARDENING magazine upside down...  
  
'Why are you here again?!!! Didn't I tell you not to hide in glue-closets the last time I caught you here?!!!!' McGonagall suddenly slammed the door open.  
  
'No...' Snape shook his head.  
  
'Well... I'll just do it now, then!!! GET OUT OF THIS GLUE-CLOSET AND NEVER COME BACK, SIMBA!!!!' McGonagall screeched.  
  
Everyone quickly ran away.  
  
'Uhm... Professor?' A voice came from the ceiling.  
  
McGonagall looked up and saw Sirius Black, glued against the ceiling. She sighed. 'That's what you get, you little marauding bitch!' She walked towards the door, switched off the light and left the glue-closet.  
  
Sirius tried to look around the dark room/closet, but couldn't because his hair was glued to the ceiling, too. 'Err... Anyone here? ... Hello?? *Anyone*?!! ...Help...'  
THE END!  
  
~~~ I know this chapter wasn't as funny or as insane as the other, but I wanted to do another random story... Oh well, review anyway, please!~~~ 


End file.
